Manners…what has happened to them? Wherever did they go? Are our young people not being taught at home the fundamentals of good manners, the niceties towards others that help make life bearable?
One of my peeves, as a customer going through the drive-thru, is the wait staff saying to me “have a nice day” rather than “thank you” when taking my money. Irritation immediately sets in, but I hold out a glimmer of hope that maybe at window two I will be told those two simple little words, “thank you”, as they hand me my food. Nope. Usually the person has shoved it out the window, impatiently waiting for me to take possession of it, with no smile, no word spoken, nothing but the food. And then I drive away…hoping I got the right order…
Maybe it is the area in which I live. Maybe it is just a generational thing. Maybe it is this particular fast food place, because the franchise owner is just as bad, if not worse than his employees. I don’t think it is endemic – I don’t think it is exclusive to this one location or to the area where I live. I think it is wider spread than that.
I hope I’m wrong.
Although I’ve had to really work (and even get a little mad) with one man I know about his lack of manners, I do see examples here and there that good manners are still alive. Maybe not well, but still alive – a young man holding the door open for me at the post office. Two high school students who let me cut in line in front of them, because they weren’t sure what they wanted to order for lunch and didn’t want to hold me up. A young lady at my local grocery store who was willing to open a new register so I didn’t have to wait in line at the one in which I was standing. But even there I was told “have a nice day” when she was done ringing me up.
I remember growing up how my mom instilled in me the importance of “please” and “thank you”. (Thank you, Mom.) I remember her sending me off for summer vacation at my grandparents and being told to mind my manners and make sure I used those very important words while I was there. Believe me, I did! I also remember being told by my grandmother how much she appreciated me for doing so.
I’m curious as to what it is like for others across the country. Is it the same in Canada? Are good manners more prevalent in Europe and across other foreign lands? Or have we all just turned into a bunch of boors? Tell me, please, tell me do…what’s it like for you in your neck of the woods?
* Subscribe * 
* Become a fan! *
May 23rd, 2010 at 12:17 am
Great topic. I don’t get irritated in fast food lines; half the time the person handing out the food can’t even speak English anyway. The place I get irritated is bad or rude service at stores that I frequent. My wife and I were just today looking for an office chair for her, and we went to Staples and Office Depot. At Staples were were very quickly asked if we wanted help, and everybody we encountered were very friendly. At Office Depot the selection of chairs was bigger, so we were there longer. Employees walked right past us 3 separate times without once asking if we would like some help; they actually looked irritated we were there. I didn’t do it this time, but there have been times in the past this type of rudeness has bothered me enough that I have called the corporate office to register a complaint. But sometimes I don’t feel better even after that, because the people on the phone really couldn’t care less either.
I have to wonder if part of it is the shift in attitudes of companies toward their employees. It used to be that companies were dedicated to their employees, and it showed in the attitude of the people who worked there. Now companies expect X% of turnover per year, and often treat employees as even more disposable than the products being sold. That has to impact employee morale and attitude.
Would you like fries with that?
May 23rd, 2010 at 3:31 am
Love the iphone app..what a perfect image for the post. Somehow – I haven’t noticed a real decrease and decline in manners. Maybe it’s generational..or maybe it comes with the ‘fast food’ territory. Lots to think about here…
Great post!
May 23rd, 2010 at 4:01 am
Now, here’s a topic that I really identify with. Both of my parents (particularly my dad) were very insistent on us having good manners as we grew up and as I get older it’s something I notice more and more.
The responses we can get when going through the checkout in our local supermarket is an example. Not being very tuned into “have a nice day” in Northern Ireland, we sometimes wouldn’t even get that, but the operator simply hands the change and receipt over and turns to the next person. No “thank you” to us and no greeting to the next customer. This isn’t confined to a particular age group either.
Having worked on checkouts in the past (part-time jobs at school and when my son was small) I KNOW that at times it is far from being an enjoyable experience. I can only think that either the person concerned is having a really bad time and they can’t summon up any interest in social niceties, or they were never taught that it’s important.
The great thing is that other operators make up for their colleagues by being helpful, pleasant and interested in their job and when I come across someone like this, I feel sad for the others who really don’t seem to understand the impression that they’re making. In general in daily life, I find that more people are good mannered than not, and I think that’s why we really notice those that aren’t.
Great post, btw
May 23rd, 2010 at 4:37 am
‘Have a nice day’ doesn’t feature in the this part of the UK, it an expression people bring home from their holidays in the states!I didn’t realise it takes the place of a thank you though!! You post made me realise that I haven’t seen a really bad example of poor manners or rudeness for a while.
What I do get a little hacked off about is our supermarkets introduction of ‘self serve’ tills, where you scan and pay without an assistant, it is the way the supermarkets portray them as a service to customers, when in fact we are getting no service!they are getting 4 tills open with one ‘overseer’! humphhhhhh
May 23rd, 2010 at 5:04 am
I would say Holland is more like Uhdd’s UK than like the US. We are not used to ‘hi, how are you, nice to meet you’ and the first time I heard that, I did’t know how to answer that. I was like: does she really want to know how I am, is she really happy to meet me, she doesn’t look like she is. And before I could come up with an answer, the moment was gone and I had said nothing. I felt rude for not answering the question and she seemed rude to me not being interested enough to wait for my answer. Over here it is not polite to ask a question and not be interested in the answer. It is like shaking someones hand and looking the other way at the same time.
Over here we just say ‘hello’ or ‘goodmorning’, maybe talk about the weather, and just say ‘bye’ or ‘see you next time’ when we leave.
great post!
May 23rd, 2010 at 5:20 am
You have found my hot-button! I get very upset about poor manners, particularly in a customer service setting. I wrote a blog post of my own about it a few months ago…
http://courtneysablogger.blogspot.com/2010/03/excuse-me-while-i-rant-about-customer.html
As irritated as I get at poor customer service, I am the first to note, appreciate and reward good manners and service. Thank you for your post!
May 23rd, 2010 at 9:40 am
Here in Vancouver Canada I work in a concession in an Arena. I love the kids and 98% have great manners. I’m always impressed. I too was taught good manners and really notice when people are rude! My experience has been if you treat others with respect and engage them with friendliness most of the time that’s what you get back. I have noticed under stress that’s when manners get thrown by the wayside. The supermarket is one of the worst places. A person that will say “Can I get by!” rather than “Excuse me” just makes me shake my head. Great post!
May 23rd, 2010 at 11:42 am
Most interesting, Toni, because just yesterday Astrid and I were on a car trip, visiting 2 different cities here in Holland. At the first one we stopped at a restaurant/cafe for a coffee and appeltaart inside. The waitress seemed like she had gotten up on the wrong side of the bed…and we were the only customers! I mentioned to Astrid that I had no intention of leaving a tip. Later in the day were were at another restaurant in another city and had a waitress who was 180-dregrees opposite of the morning waitress. We wanted to pay her a good tip, and we did.
The point is (even though this wasn’t fast food) that customer service people eventually reap what they sow, some sooner than later. I’m guessing “have a nice day” is what they have been told to say, as an industry standard (since it’s prevalent). I have worked in places where I was told what to say. Once I said it didn’t sound right to say it that way…it’s not what i would say…so I asked if I could say it in my own words. In my situation, yes, I was allowed, but I’m sure that others are not thus allowed.
I can understand the frustration but I agree with Mark that it’s an indication of our move away from employer to employee loyalty…and thus the employee to employer lack of loyalty and care/concern. Bottom line: we are breeding a lot of very unhappy, unsatified people. It’s probably true at least in part all over the world? I hate it.
Thanks for another good having-to-think post…and image.
May 23rd, 2010 at 6:00 pm
I had a crush on a man I dated briefly when I was about 21 years old. The thing I loved most about him? He was the most polite man I ever met. Please and thank you were the norm and he always opened the car door for me. Then I met my husband and he was even more chivalrous and polite. I’m telling you, society needs our manners back…
May 23rd, 2010 at 6:01 pm
I frequently try to give THEM something to think about — “How is YOUR day going today?” “You look really nice today.” “Thank YOU for _____ (giving us the extra napkins)(giving us great service)” etc. The staff simply isn’t used to that and the ‘ice’ seems to melt….just a little.
Having worked (briefly) in retail, I think it’s a matter of training and proper supervision. If there are expectations, and proper follow-up, the level of manners and customer service will improve.
May 23rd, 2010 at 7:33 pm
When we moved from Washington State to Idaho we could not believe how friendly people where here. I do notice though a lack of manners in the younger generation, often reflected in pj’s and slippers at the grocery store….hello, get dressed before you leave the house please!
May 23rd, 2010 at 9:04 pm
I see it sometimes, bad manners, it seems that people are always in a hurry, scurrying, can’t take the time to look up and see an actual person in front of them. I am concerned about the lack of social skills in general with this next generation…the computer babies, it will be interesting to see what effect it has.
Customer service though, seems to be almost non-existent. I don’t think it is quite the same as manners…but the customer used to always be right, now the customer is lucky if they even get to have a conversation. These days I try to act the way I would want to be treated, doesn’t always work, but at least I feel like I did the right thing. Oh, and thank you for your lovely, thought-provoking post! Almost forgot my manners there…
May 24th, 2010 at 6:36 am
This is a subject we have discussed amongst friends for a while. At first we put it up as a thing to be irritated about as we are older and perhaps wiser
Then we started to realize that it seams to be a trend in society. Everyone is so caught up in their own life so common sense are forgotten. The small things like thank-you and your welcome. Thank you for bringing up the subject to discussion.
May 24th, 2010 at 8:21 am
this is such a good post, and sad that it’s all so true. where have manners, and morals, and values gone!!! it’s not old-fashioned after all, it’s just basic good behavior and politeness. people have so little respect for each other. one thing that i truly respect in the tanzanian culture (although this is sadly probably dying out too) is that when you greet an elder (man or woman, anyone who is remotely older – or senior – to you). you start your greetings with “Shikamoo” – funny word, literally spoken as it looks. they reply with “Marahaba”. it doesn’t translate so well, but it means ‘i hold your feet’ – sort of i bow down to you with respect, and the answer ‘i allow you to’. not sure of any other language with that kind of greeting, although there must be i would think.
May 24th, 2010 at 11:14 am
Interesting post, Toni, and great image too! I’ve noticed that the youngest generation is the most ill-mannered one here in Italy. In stores and offices, well, it depends on the frustration level of the employers. I find that sometimes if you show appreciation for their work or manage to start a conversation (we Italian love to start conversations
) they loose their initial stiffness.
May 24th, 2010 at 11:16 am
First I had to check to see where you live, you live in Washington State? I live in Georgia and as you drive more away from Atlanta, the people tend to be very polite. In France, as you walk into a store you say “Bonjour madame” or “monsieur” and when you leave you say “an revoir, messieurs dames” depending on the gender. The customer says that and the store owner says that too. At the market all employees say “Bonjour” and at the end “Merci, au revoir madame”. It is the culture though. People also are more reserved and quieter. French people tend not to speak so loud. When you are in Europe you can tell the Americans, not by their accents, but by the high volume of their voices – English, Scots, Irish, Australians and others speaking English are not so noisy.
Most fast foods are being manned by teenagers nowadays. Maybe parents want to make their kids feel great, so they don’t make them behave and give them what they want. It is easier to let kids have their ways or let them watch TV than discipline them, and then they grow up to be selfish #*&^. Also the US culture does not respect elders like other cultures do, like Japan for example. So young people don’t care. After having hurt my knee, I was standing in a New York subway, I had a cane, and teenagers were sitting – none of them offered their seat to me, but in Paris in the metro they did. There is a Christian Dominion school not far from our home and every week we have to go on the side of the road to pick up all the cans, wrappers that the kids throw out of their windows. This is all the same problem as having not been taught good manners.
May 24th, 2010 at 6:29 pm
What a familiar post this is!! I feel so much like you do. No clue yet as to where it comes from that morale and attitude changes so much!! I know I was brought up in a way that taught me always to mind others and their feelings. Yet nowadays children seem to be very insensitive for others needs. They seem selfish, ignorant, and impolite. But then again, probably in about 30 years time those children think the same way we do now.
May 25th, 2010 at 7:45 am
I am amazed everyday as people walk right by without saying good morning or any greeting whatsoever. In the Caribbean, it’s much different. Had I walked by someone without greeting them, my reminder would await me at home.
May 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
In Canada we are painfully polite, we’re not so busy with the please and thank you words, but we are busy with the “Sorry”. We say “Sorry” for everything. Mostly I find everyone polite and pleasant. It seems to me that “have a nice day” was a tag line for an ad campaign, I could be wrong but perhaps that is where it came from and imbedded itself into the service industry?
In the meantime, I know that I am a rude one, because I read all the comments to my posts and never write to say thank you. So, I’ll slip one in here … THANK YOU!