Reading Between the Lines
Posted by Special Guest on Friday May 7, 2010Under guest blogger, humor, musings Tags: JoLyn
As a woman of a certain age, I’ve gotten really good at reading body language. You know what I mean—that age-old way of speaking with gestures and expressions that doesn’t need any words.
For instance, I can tell immediately that my husband is worried about something when he walks in the door with tense shoulders and a tight voice. I know exactly what a toddler means with that little quivering lip. And are there really any words that express disgust quite as well as the rolled-up eyes of a teenage girl?
But now that I’ve entered this virtual world of blogs and emails and text messages, I’m finding myself at a loss. Nobody is speaking body language anymore!
How in the world am I supposed to know what people are really saying if I can’t see their eyes or hear the tone of their voice? How can I truly show compassion with only my written words? And how do I interpret a blunt text message—was the sender angry, or sad, or just plain tired? Who knows?
I’ve decided if I’m going to get along in this online world, I’ve got to learn to read between the lines. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe there is a way to express all the emotions and feelings that were once packed into the simple gestures of body language.
Let’s start with emotion. Where we once relied on tone of voice to express anger, or excitement, or passion, we can now just use lots of punctuation!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do you have an urgent question?!?!??!?!?!? Are you trying to MAKE. A. POINT?
Maybe you just want to soften the blow. All you have to do is insert a colon and a right parenthesis, and your instant smiley face speaks volumes. J You see, excess punctuation could be all we need!
It’s also possible that we could quickly get used to parenthetical descriptions, like the ones they use in the script of a play. Are you trying to express impatience? (My toe is tapping urgently on the floor!) Are you using a text message to tell your child to get home now? (See the flash of anger in my eyes?) Are you feeling sad? (Heavy sigh….)
It might work.
But I have to say that in the professional world, all of this lighthearted fun just won’t do. In my job as a freelance writer, I work with several clients who I’ve never met before. Our work is conducted through emails back and forth, with an occasional phone call in between. I’ve had to learn to interpret tone and emotion from just the written word—and making those judgments can sometimes be really tricky.
So I’m turning to you, my virtual friends. How do you negotiate this landmine of online communication? Have you found something to replace body language?
In a nutshell, I want to know: how do you read—and write—between the lines?
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Special guest post today by Jolyn Day of A Year of Happy. Thank you for joining us here today, Jolyn, and for your wonderful story and image.
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May 7th, 2010 at 1:12 am
Wow. Good questions (and points), JoLyn. I guess we’re now in the world of emoticons!
Punctuations help, of course, and if you can add an image or two (as you have done so well), you’ve already eliminated the need for a thousand words. Sigh. I guess we’re never too old to learn…but I DO wonder what my 9-year-old grandson will be doing with his thumbs on all those gadgets long after I kick the bucket!! Thanks for your provocative musings for this TGIF!
May 7th, 2010 at 3:28 am
So much food for thought here. How we express ourselves and interpret those expressions really is a bit of a conundrum in these online communique’s. Punctuations..smiley faces…LOL’s..and occasionally – even – changing the size of the text to emphasize my point – have worked for me.
Oftentimes – I wonder about the next generation and how they will learn to read body language and cues..when so much of their communication is via email and texts and the electronic written word.
We are all learning to navigate this brave new world.
Thank-you for joining us today..and WELCOME!!!!
May 7th, 2010 at 5:54 am
Yes, good question. Me, I try to be supercareful, words are so easily misunderstood (and it still goes wrong from time to time), face to face you have, besides body language, more explanatory words.
Maybe it is just a new virtual language we are learning, like a foreign language, with its own virtual body language. Because body language can be different in different cultures/languages too.
Thank you for this wonderful post! Love the expressions on the faces!
May 7th, 2010 at 6:00 am
This is a very interesting topic, JoLyn! I use emoticons and punctuation a lot to convey emotions. I’m a happy, optimistic person, so I tend to over use exclamation points a lot–guilty…LOL! But for more professional encounters online, that kind of thing doesn’t look good, so I have to tone it down. Blogging has increased my email with friends and readers all over the world. I have had unpleasant encounters with two bloggers where English was not their mother tongue, and I didn’t not speak their languages–that was a big challenge. So sometimes language can be a barrier even more so with online dealings. Clarity and intention of email/communication is important. We rattle off emails and communique’s sometimes not realizing what we’ve said. Taking time to be clear and thoughtful is how I try to be. While email and other online forms of communication make it so much easier for people to be in touch no matter where they are, that speed and quick access can make for sticky situations occasionally, as face-to-face is still the best way to communicate. But this is the here and now, so it’s a learning curve daily!
)
May 7th, 2010 at 6:32 am
I once sent a work e-mail that concluded “Thanks for keeping me in the loop!” and received an immediate phone response that began with an angry, “What did you mean by that?” Oops, guess that came off as sarcasm, when I was genuinely grateful.
Sometimes I think that if I ever meet the person who invented e-mail I will kick them in the shins.
That said, to answer your question, I rely heavily on punctuation. I don’t care for emoticons, although the occasional smiley face is quite useful. I also find it works better to “write like I talk,” including the asides (not that I’m an expert or anything). E-mail is essentially casual and most effective that way, even at work. The bigger problem (to me, anyway) is that such a casual, quick medium is permanent and forwardable!
Even electronically, we still need to give each other the benefit of the doubt and not be so quick to take offense. That’s a social skill that’s always in style!
May 7th, 2010 at 7:54 am
It is a new way of communication, our kids seem to have it down. I work from home, so email is my main form of communication. I think it helps to keep it short, simple and direct, and never ever use sarcasm, it just doesn’t translate. I am not a huge fan of emoticons either, but whenever you are in doubt as to whether the reader will get that you mean something as a joke, a smiley face does work. And don’t forget LOL, BFF, TTYL, GTG, and all the other little phrases that come into play these days. I usually have to ask my son what they mean, but they also help convey the feeling behind the words.
Love your photos, and thanks for making us all think about what we type…
May 7th, 2010 at 8:16 am
I do think you’ve hit on one way expressive people have found to emote–with punctuation and pauses. I know this is the opposite of what you asked for, but I just have to say that I have horribly revealing body language! I give myself away all the time! I LIKE being able to ‘hide behind’ carefully crafted sentences with just the right descriptors so that I can be absolutely clear, when that’s necessary. I often cannot say what’s really on my mind to particular people, or in groups, and I’m often tongue tied when I mean to be assertive and confident. I once shot off an angry email on purpose, because I knew I could not be confrontational in person. I don’t regret that one bit. The attitude was carefully built into that communication, as well.
May 7th, 2010 at 8:41 am
Wonderful story and I really like the expressive nature of the pictures. I have been misinterpreted in email quite a few times, and have learned to be more careful that what I say in written communication does not carry multiple possible messages when one is meant. I still get it wrong sometimes. I live in rural Colorado, and in the business world I communicate daily with a number of consultants in Europe. Since we’re on such different schedules, email is the standard way of communication. I’ve learned to be especially careful what I say in emails with the consultants in England, as the tendency there in business emails is to be very proper and always do personal greetings, so my typically blunt and to-the-point emails were interpreted as rather rude. So… my bit of wisdom for this thread would be to carefully consider the audience before drafting written communication, and be careful of double meanings.
May 7th, 2010 at 9:13 am
Thanks everybody for your kind comments and great advice! I love hearing your personal experiences and how you’ve handled them.
I, too, have had plenty of bad experiences being misinterpreted–and misinterpreting! Just recently, I got an email from someone concerning volunteer work I’m doing. I was CERTAIN he had to be joking, but I tossed it around, back and forth, trying to decide how to respond. I finally decided to take the joke, and respond in kind. His response back to me: “I wasn’t joking.”
Aargh. Even when you are focused on being so careful, it’s still a minefield!
May 7th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
Welcome Jolyn? I do worry that I will be misinterpreted in this digital age. However, there are basic rules of etiquette I suppose. I don’t like over excessive punctuation. I have a co-worker who will email me with great intentions but use so much punctuation that I feel like I’m being shouted to. I am going to address it with her. I’m sure once she knows she’ll understand:) Is she reading this I wonder? Nah.
May 7th, 2010 at 4:44 pm
Oh my, how the written word has changed, even the difference from something handwritten to something typed on a keyboard is huge. And people are sometimes so quick to judge and jump to the wrong conclusion. I know I over use punctuation when I’m leaving a comment!!! Because I want the author to know I really mean it!! Or I’m happy for them! Or I use emoticons if I’m poking fun (usually at myself)
or not serious 
Excellent post, JoLyn, and welcome!!
May 7th, 2010 at 10:22 pm
I read it in my own tone and that can create trouble because if I’m having a grumpy, angry day, well then, doesn’t your nice little note come off grumpy and angry!! It’s a rollercoaster ride for sure.
Thanks for visiting and writing … I love the faces!
May 8th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
This is a very interesting subject. I use emoticons and punctuation to try to get the feeling I want in my texts. It is a bit tricky sometimes I think as I also write in another language than Swedish. I usually think that if there is someone out there who wonders what I really mean. They’ll write and ask…. I hope
May 8th, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Hi JoLyn,
Great post! Now, I’m just reading between the lines here, but I don’t think you really want advice… maybe just a sympathetic eye to agree… So, here’s mine… It’s definitely a new world in which we live and try to communicate. Personally, I overdose on smiley faces. They protect us from possibly making anyone upset if we say everything with a smile, right? But I’m with you… I often wonder if the person at the other end of the text is REALLY smiling.
emily
May 8th, 2010 at 8:50 pm
so happy to see you here JoLyn, I loved the four images and you bring up a lot of good points that happen daily .. I like the dots personally …
May 9th, 2010 at 3:41 am
Welcome JoLyn! Love the images you used for your post. I find the use of emoticons and punctuation helps me communicate in the virtual world especially since English isn’t my mother tongue. Ciao!
May 9th, 2010 at 10:01 am
Thank you, Jolyn, for a great post. You certainly selected an excellent collection of images to highlight or emphasize your point! Me, well…I probably use too many words when trying to make my points. I find it clever the way kids can express themselves with the LOL, TTYL, and GTG.
May 9th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
this was an awesome topic. because if people were genuine with their words there could easily be ways to communicate with only a keyboard. Maybe even communicate better than in person,
May 10th, 2010 at 6:37 pm
Such a great topic! So much to consider before we click ‘send’. And you can’t always rely on emoticons. I’ve seen sharply written comments with a smiley afterwards, as if that makes it okay
I always try to consider who’s on the receiving end of my message. If it’s a close friend, I let loose…if not, I hold back and opt for a very straight forward approach.
This makes me think of a quote from the Secret Life of Bees: “I have noticed that if you look carefully at people’s eyes the first five seconds they look at you, the truth of their feelings will shine through for just an instant before it flickers away.” Email is great, but it’s nuthin’ like the real thing!
May 20th, 2010 at 6:19 am
hi jolyn, sorry i’ve been away and am just catching up now. this is such a great issue…and one i often think of. you can so offend people with a mobile phone sms message as they fail to get the dry wit or funny side of your message…happens to me all the time. and why would they, they actually stare at just words with nothing behind them. there is a lot to be said for the days before the ease (or otherwise) of our modern comms.