holy baked potato, batman
Posted by Kelly on Tuesday Jul 27, 2010Under Kelly, aging, humor, middle life
Okay, first of all, I hope no one will be offended by this post. But I’m the kind of girl who tells it like it is, and right now, for me, this is how it is:
I’m hot.
Oh, it’s hot outside alright, but it is much, much hotter on the inside. There is a furnace raging inside me. I can’t remember the last time I was cold. I can’t even remember the last time I was comfortable, or what is commonly referred to as lukewarm.
You might not be in the same place right now. Or perhaps you are. But if not, you either have been, or you will be, and that’s just the way it is. And being hot is not all bad, I almost never need a jacket any more, plus there are other things, like the black hair that grows out of my chin, that bother me more. But sometimes, hot is embarrassing.
Like when you are setting up for a jewelry show and you sweat right through your bra and out to your shirt in a shape that strangely resembles…a bra.
Or when you wear shorts to meet a friend for lunch and you start to stand up and the chair comes with you because it is stuck to your sweaty legs.
Or when you have to sit in your car for 20 minutes with the air conditioning on full blast, waiting for that bra-shaped sweat mark to dry so you can go into the grocery store.
Oh, it’s not pretty, or dainty, or even ladylike. But it is what it is, part of life, a woman’s life, at least, and mostly we don’t talk about it, not out loud, just to each other, in whispers.
Well, my sweat is no secret. It has a way of screaming right out loud so that all the world can hear. And see. And it doesn’t really care much for being called perspiration, either. That is far too tame a word for what is going on here, I am not merely perspiring, I am sweating, profusely. Quite recently, someone told me that in certain parts of the country, polite society calls it “glistening.” I loved that, and for a couple of days I pictured myself that way, especially after a run, when even my forearms are indeed, glistening.
But it turns out that it’s just a romantic word for sweat.
And don’t even get me started on the roller coaster of emotion that accompanies all this heat. I’m pretty sure I never purchased a ticket, heck, I’m not even a fan of roller coasters, but I am most definitely on one. But that might be a story for a different day…
Sometimes I wish I was the kind of girl who never talked about this sort of thing. I wish I was proper and demure and slightly mysterious. And I definitely wish I was one of those women who always look fresh (meaning: dry). But like I said, I’m not that kind of girl.
But I am the kind of girl who can turn a negative into a positive. And being hot isn’t the worst thing.
It could always be worse.
I could be smokin’.
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July 27th, 2010 at 12:08 am
OMG, can I ever relate!! Every pore on my body sweats! The pore’s pores sweats! Although…I go from hot to freezing at a moments notice…sweater on…sweater off…sweater on…sweater off…back and forth all night long…all day long…I think we’re in the same club.
July 27th, 2010 at 12:39 am
Most of us reading this will either laugh or cry, Kelly. And if we laugh, it’ll be that nervous kind! Someone will say it’s our right…our rite of passage to becoming sages and crones (a very positive word, of course).
If you’re still sweating like that when you’re 65, however, TAKE HORMONES! (I knew a woman who had hot flashes till the day she died at 80-something.) Okay, I’m opening a can of worms, I’m sure, because we’re not supposed to take hormones (HRT) for long…because of all the potential complications. My take on that is this: if I die a year earlier but live many years without hot flashes, LET ME LIVE. HA! Well, I have found (since we’re talking about this out loud) that I can take the lowest dose every 3 days and stave off the unwanted hot flashes. And my doctor has agreed.
Other than wanting you to find relief (which I believe is possible), this is a delightful post and very hot image…one most of us can relate to. If it happened to men (can you picture it!), there’d be a medication post-haste that not only worked but had no potential side-effects, right!?!
July 27th, 2010 at 3:24 am
This just made me laugh!!!
Yes – I sweat. I don’t glisten. I don’t glow. And lately – I get myself into almost-nightly arguments with my husband as to how high the a/c needs to be in order for me to sleep without waking.
All a part of the pleasures and perils of this particular age. Nice to be able to laugh at ourselves..y’know??
July 27th, 2010 at 3:37 am
My family always referred to me as “book smart,” “too big for her age,” and “hot-natured.” I’ve never needed a coat and never been able to wear wool or pretty sweater sets. (Although I love to spin and weave wool–just not in the summer months.) So none of this came as a surprise to me. When shopping, I imagine how a nice piece of clothing will wear when it’s soggy and damp. I invest in industrial strength antiperspirants. I glisten. I sweat. And not alone! Thanks a bunch!!!
July 27th, 2010 at 7:41 am
Hey Kelly…been there, done that, made it thru to the other side. Like you said, what a ride!! You sure learn some things about yourself….
hang in there.
July 27th, 2010 at 7:49 am
Oooooh Kelly! Cracking up!! When I was in that mode I think my preferred AC setting was somewhere between “polar ice cap” & “the moons of Neptune”. It lasted…a while…
A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do!!
But! This too shall pass!
And, @ Marcie: tell your husband they have this new invention. So new it’s understandable he hasn’t heard of it yet: A BLANKET!
July 27th, 2010 at 7:54 am
i’m just in the beginnings of being “hot” but i like the idea of referring to it as glistening…..
and telling like it is, is a very good thing !
July 27th, 2010 at 8:04 am
Well, either I am one of the luckier ones (and no doubt jinxing myself by saying that) or it’s gonna get worse, but my hotness is nowhere near that bad. I get warm, I get hot for a few minutes, and I feel a little sticky, I complain a lot, and then it all goes away. Except the complaining. I don’t sweat much, but I never have, so maybe that’s all it is. The emotion thing, however? Lordy, you don’t even wanna be near me.
xoxo
July 27th, 2010 at 8:14 am
microwaved from the inside out. steaming up the car windows with your own body heat. never happens to me.
July 27th, 2010 at 8:34 am
Hoooo, boy. Am I there. The worst part is I feel so darn conspicuous. My (much) younger sister laughed at me over Thanksgiving because I spent a great deal of my time observing the festivities through the window as I stood on the screen porch with drops of sweat(yes, sweat)running down my temples. At this point I called my gyn’s office. One of the side effects of Paxil is to lessen hot flashes. Sign me up. I never wanted to use medication such as this- it feels artificial- but, bliss. I can sleep through the night. And if I do have a hot flash? I just don’t care.
July 27th, 2010 at 9:55 am
You are delightfully funny! Oh my gosh I’m laughing. I’m there with you girl, I’m there.
July 27th, 2010 at 10:26 am
Kelly,
You are too funny! Too funny, and right! I’ve never sweated as much as I do now, and while I am totally grossed out about it, I’ve kind of embraced it at the same time. Usually I do not mind it, but occasionally, when I have to go somewhere, it is annoying and in the way.
Thank you for sharing this!
July 27th, 2010 at 12:45 pm
‘kelly you are funny and so truthful…want another positive??? You could live in Texas where it is hot ALL the time
)))
July 27th, 2010 at 5:32 pm
Oh my personal best was driving 6 hours in February, window down, head sticking out like a golden retriever and it was 40 below zero. Poor Barry, he just about perished on that trip. I have been doing the hormones for a few years now, am weaning off them right now, I think, fingers crossed, toes crossed, eyes crossed and bra straps firmly fastened that I might be almost, shhhhhhhhhhhh, don’t say anything lest I hex myself, done.
xo Kath
July 28th, 2010 at 7:45 am
LOL…thankfully I think I’ve “outgrown” the HOT stage; but the dark chin hair — now THAT’S ANOTHER STORY! HATE THOSE DAMN THINGS!
July 28th, 2010 at 7:45 am
LOL…thankfully I think I’ve “outgrown” the HOT stage; but the dark chin hair — now THAT’S ANOTHER STORY! HATE THOSE DAMN THINGS! Oh no, did I just say “damn” for all the world to see.